


The Marauder's List of Rules and Observations

by SwaggerDownTheStreet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Consequences, List, Observations, Rules
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 10:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20469179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwaggerDownTheStreet/pseuds/SwaggerDownTheStreet
Summary: Exactly what the title says it will be. Kind of crack.





	The Marauder's List of Rules and Observations

**Author's Note:**

> Remus Lupin  
_James Potter_  
**Sirius Black**  
Peter Pettigrew

1\. Rats are not generally allowed in the kitchens

**2\. McGonagall does not appreciate being chased by a very large dog, no matter how sexy he is, and she will attack without hesitation**

**3\. This goes for Mrs. Norris as well**

_4\. Unicorns and deer are not the same animal, so turning into one will not help in approaching the other_

_5\. This also applies to hippogriffs, thestrals, winged horses, centaurs, selkies, and a number of other creatures_

_6\. It's a lot harder to play Quidditch with hooves_

**7\. The chains in Filch's office are not, in fact, just for decoration**

8\. If you set a werewolf loose in a boarded up shack every month for an entire school year, people will, in fact, take to believing that it is haunted

9\. Spending the night in a shack with a werewolf, a dog, and a deer will not have positive consequences for the homework of anyone involved

10\. Letting your best mates know that you are a werewolf won't always have a negative outcome

11\. Chocolate is not, in fact, better than garlic at keeping away vampires

12\. Nor should I ever test that theory by summoning a vampire and brandishing a chocolate bar at it

**13\. Never should I convince Moony that chocolate has magical vampire-destructive properties**

_14\. Padfoot is most definitely not afraid of thunder, and will not take kindly to any accusation of his being so_

_15\. When Snivellus is cursed with that curse that hangs the subject upside down, the view is extremely unpleasant_

**16\. Evans does not enjoy any attempt to set her up with Prongs**

**17\. Prongs doesn't either <s>or so he says</s>**

18\. History of Magic is the least risky class to catch a nap in

19\. The easiest, too

20\. Never listen to Padfoot's shower concerts unless I have some insane desire to rupture my own eardrums

**21\. Never sing in the shower unless I am absolutely certain that I am alone**

22\. When I'm out after hours and am spotted by Mrs. Norris, turning into a rat doesn't exactly help

_23\. The invisibility cloak is seriously sketchy to use when around Mrs. Norris_

**24\. I should try to learn the difference between which books from the restricted sectiin scream and which ones don't**

_25\. McGonagall's reaction to "So Professor, how exactly does one become an animagus? Could you explain the detailed process, please and thank you?" is never a good one_

_26\. Especially if you take out a quill and parchment and prepare to take notes_

**27\. McGonagall accepts no late homework, even if it has delicious chicken-flavored stains on it**

**28\. ESPECIALLY if it has delicious chicken-flavored stains on it**

**29\. Never sit next to Snivellus during exams, unless I want to get bad scores due to lack of concentration due to a nasty stench due to Snivellus's oily head**

_30\. If I 'borrow' the golden snitch for a few hours and then get caught at the hands of a prefect, said prefect will not be nearly as impressed with me as Wormtail_

**31\. If I accuse Avery of being a Death Eater, he will take it as a compliment**

32\. Never sample a sweet with an insect in the name

33\. If Padfoot and Prongs are snickering evilly, it is not wise to accept food from them

34\. Or ever, actually

35\. Professor Binns does not give extra points for longer essays than required

36\. In fact, I'm quite certain he just grades everything on whether it's handed in or not

37\. Professor Dumbledore doesn't care how his teachers grade their students' homework

**38\. There is virtually no way to actually get expelled from Hogwarts**

_39\. Except murder_

**40\. According to a book in the restricted section, some kid murdered someone and the consequence was a teacher tailing them**

41\. I thought that kid got expelled

42\. Whichever detectives Hogwarts uses are terrible at their job

43\. Almost as bad as the blokes who write the history books

_44\. If I challenge Snivellus to a duel, he won't hesitate to accept_

_45\. Snivellus knows quite a few curses, and one would be wise to not let themselves get hit by them_

_46\. Quidditch is significantly more fun when you win, reasearch shows_

**47\. The Giant Squid does not make a good dance partner**

48\. Never eat those last Every Flavor Beans that no one wants; there's usually a reason no one wants them

**49\. For future reference, muggle 'pens' are not actually worth 35 galleons**

50\. For future reference, never leave Padfoot in a muggle store unsupervised


End file.
